• tourist: could you give us directions to Olive Garden?
• new yorker: no, but i could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant lol
• tourist: oh you think you're clever???
• new yorker: what
• tourist: i'm going to meet my dying neice and she happens to love olive garden so her whole family is going to eat with her so she'll have a few moments of happiness
• new yorker: oh... oh i'm so sor
• tourist: no shut the fuck up you piece of shit. i'll find it myself
• the tourist drives off and the new yorker is left to think about his life choices and his decision to be a giant condescending asshole

+ 35478

rubywhiterabbit:

calderonbeta:

feralcastiel:

can you imagine if twitter existed in the 1800s

abe lincoln tweeting shit like “wow this play sucks just shoot me”

too soon

HE WAS SHOT IN 1865 

+ 227428

nobrainslob:

grotle:

if you want to find the biggest asshole at a party, leave an acoustic guitar out

‘i don’t know if you’ve heard of this one’ *opening chords to wonderwall*

+ 85137

julieidc:

I kinda hate my life and kinda want to sleep forever u feel me

+ 229

rapewhistled:

bumrollplease:

rapewhistled:

*16 year old girl voice* um shut the fuck up thanks

i literally say this a hundred times a day

*16 year old girl voice* literally.

+ 33243

michaxl:

dilclo:

michaxl:

why am i not a disney princess

because ur a 15 year old boy

+ 24481