- tourist: could you give us directions to Olive Garden?
- new yorker: no, but i could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant lol
- tourist: oh you think you're clever???
- new yorker: what
- tourist: i'm going to meet my dying neice and she happens to love olive garden so her whole family is going to eat with her so she'll have a few moments of happiness
- new yorker: oh... oh i'm so sor
- tourist: no shut the fuck up you piece of shit. i'll find it myself
- the tourist drives off and the new yorker is left to think about his life choices and his decision to be a giant condescending asshole
can you imagine if twitter existed in the 1800s
abe lincoln tweeting shit like “wow this play sucks just shoot me”
HE WAS SHOT IN 1865
if you want to find the biggest asshole at a party, leave an acoustic guitar out
‘i don’t know if you’ve heard of this one’ *opening chords to wonderwall*
*16 year old girl voice* um shut the fuck up thanks
i literally say this a hundred times a day
*16 year old girl voice* literally.